Sunday, March 4, 2012

Bman's Top 10...Or Perhaps Bottom 10?

Welcome back to Smash Talk!

Once again, I'm Brandon "the Bman" Alicea with another Smashing topic. Since I'm still on the topic of characters for now, I'm going to be giving my opinions of who I think would be in the next Smash Brothers game. But now, I'm going to share with you who I think doesn't deserve to fight against Nintendo's finest.

I've searched over hundreds of sites where fellow fans like you post what they would love to see go toe-to-toe with Captain Falcon or Lucario. Here are some of the ones that caused me to...

Yeah that...

*Bman's Bottom 10 Smash Newcomers*
#10: Any Kind of Useless Characters
You'll know 'em when you see 'em. Or stomp 'em.
You would be surprised how many people out there believe that a Koopa Troopa or Tom Nook is the absolute best choice for Smash characters. I would understand common enemies that have a diverse variety of attacks (as you'll see from me later on), but any-kind of one trick ponies should just be fought as grunts instead of being fought as players.

And some characters, in the case of Tom Nook, aren't made to be fighters. But if someone made a plausible moveset, I'd applaud them if it's sensible.  I would love to hear your opinions as to what characters like him would do. Or your point of view on the subject.

I kinda hope that people are just trolling things like the Goomba, because it'd be scary if they were serious.

#9: Any Mortal Kombat Characters

Like the Brady Bunch; Only bloodier
I remembered that some old Mortal Kombat games played on the NES, so that kinda makes them eligible to be added...

But they really shouldn't.

Coming from a game where everyone is a living blood fountain with "Fatality!" being the most popular word, these people/creatures should be kept far away from Kirby and Lucas. Too realistic for the Smash scene.

And some people say that "Oh? Well they had Snake in Brawl! He's too real!"
That may be true, but he isn't shooting Yoshi in the face, shanking Falco, or nuking New Pork City. So calm down. These guys have their own fighting game, and the Smashers have theirs. Let's keep it that way alright?
No matter how curious we are, the Smashers don't kill...for sport anyway.

#8: Sephiroth

Eat your heart out Zelda
I've never played any Final Fantasy games myself, but I have faced this One-Winged Angel as a boss in Kingdom Hearts II. And let me tell you...

This guy KILLS!

His sword alone would make Ike's Ragnell look like a toothpick, and his blade has enough power behind it to slice through Giga Bowser's shell! This guy could move move, fly, and teleport at speeds that would leave the Blue Blur in awe.

And considering his blade is almost triple his size, moderating this guy's out of the question. He'd kill both the Hands in a single swing if he had the chance, and that's without all his fancy magic attacks. As a boss maybe, but that's pushing it still...

#7: Skull Kid

Quite the fashion statement there
I'm going to be honest here: the only Zelda games I've played was a demo of Ocarina of Time from the N64, and Phantom Hourglass for DS.
That's scary bro

But! I do know a lot about the Zelda world, so I'm not a complete dummy. Maybe you'd have to play the game to get this character's appeal, but I don't really see it personally.

This guy, to me, is just some weirdo being controlled by a mask and forced to go against his will to do evil things and fight Link. Didn't the mask, like, get destroyed or something afterwards? And I feel that the Skull Kid is nothing without the mask if he were considered to be a fighter.

If anyone would like to enlighten me on the whole Skull Kid craze, please do so by Commenting.

#6: Toad

Oh look! A useless character...
I personally despise Toad because I believe they are good for practically nothing. These guys act as Peach's personal guards against Bowser. Of course, the sight of a Fuzzy sends the little fungi screaming their mushroom top off and flailing all the way to the Mario Brothers.

But are surprisingly good meat shields
Toad could be a nice Assist Trophy if you think about it, chucking items from a treasure chest like in New Super Mario Bros Wii, but I prefer him as the cute (and literal) body guard for the Mushroom Princess.

#5: Birdo

Oh my goodness why?
Birdo is...Birdo. It was freaky enough hearing that this feminine creature was actually a MALE, let alone people want him/her/whatever as a fighter in Smash. I really don't even want Birdo as an Assist. Birdo just doesn't...sit well with me for the most part.
Don't get me started on the relationship between Birdo and Yoshi...
#4: Silver the Hedgehog

Back from the future. If only he'd stay there...
On another personal note, I hate Silver with the burning passion of Lava Lava Island. I've played his debut game, Sonic the Hedgehog 2006, and I found it horrible. Mechanics, gameplay, character movements...just no.
And because he originated from this game, I don't like him one bit. I don't think he can even go as fast as Sonic or some of his other friends. And even though he has the Force with him, let's keep the mind play to Mewtwo and Ness.

#3: Krystal

Another reason why Fox and Wolf hate each other

This blue vixen started out in StarFox Adventures for the GameCube. And while I don't think that she's not a popular character in the series, I do think I have made my reason why she shouldn't be in very clear...
No. More. Landmasters!
I think we have enough space animals in Brawl, despite her prowess with a staff (which I believe Fox is also proficient in). And I've never played any StarFox games myself, but didn't she choose Wolf over Fox? I can only imagine how the fur's gonna fly...

Oh wait, I'm sorry. She left Fox for...
This guy...oh boy
#2: Goku
Now this guy's tough!
Goku is an anime character first off, which is why I don't support his inclusion at all. But also...

Has anyone seen what this guy could do?

I mean I don't follow the show closely, but he's survived things from like exploding planets and even his own death. Not to mention that every fight makes him stronger, especially against super-strong opponents like Freeza, Cell, Buu, and Vegeta.

But then again, almost everyone he fights is super strong. And don't get me started on his Super Saiyan forms that make him even STRONGER!

Besides, Lucario and Goku share the same voice actor, so just close your eyes and believe.

Kame...hame...AURA STORM!
#1: Master Chief

This is SPARTAN!
And finally; my Number 1 character who I hope never sets foot on Final Destination: Master Chief. No only is he 3rd Party, he's from the XBOX series Halo.

No way in Halcandra would I ever allow this guy anywhere near Samus or Game & Watch! XBOX characters have no business on Nintendo's hardware and should remain on his own stomping grounds.

As opposed to Mario's stomping grounds AKA everywhere he goes.
In Conclusion
Arceus help me if any of these characters get in...
Bman used Rage. It's Super Effective!
And that's about all I have to say about this group...

What do you think?

Do you agree with me? Or do you resent my reasoning? Want to explain to me the hype about Skull Kid or defend Tom Nook? Or just want to share your opinion? Comment below and let your voice be heard!

Until next time! :D


  1. Well, I agree with a lot of your statements about who should be in the next smash brothers. (IE Sephiroth(hey he is not even a main character of a game that is on Nintendo(he is a cameo in the KH game series like Cloud or Cid) and toad(hes not a fighter really in the first place)), but Skull Kid does have a better reason than most of the characters mentioned to be in the game. I think it could be mostly because he would be a unique fighter in the game dealing more with magic or ranged attacks than close combat. He could also have the ability to transform and bring down the moon. I think he would also be different because he is technically a non fighter person in the actually game(those who have played MM know what I mean about this *no spoilers for those who have not played*). A reason for his popularity is probably that MM is one of the most popular Zelda game(to my knowledge) to be released. It was widely different in its game play and story than other games in the franchise, and this leads to people wanting characters from it to gain recognition for it. Again it could be like you said, you have to play MM itself to know why people want SK in the SSB.(Someone could probably do a better defense than what I am saying though)

  2. As for Birdo, I think people want another Yoshi type character in the mix.